I’m the kind of girl that guys want to smoke a blunt with and play xbox with. Not the kind of girl that guys want to love.

We were young and had stars in our eyes,

now there is a galaxy in my eyes and a nuclear explosion in my heart. 

so please don’t hurt me,

unless that’s how you love me,

i just want to feel like you need me.

please, can you hold me tight

in the musty deep darkness inside your ribcage?

you breathe in the glittering particles of light,

i once caught in a library.

someone from the Allentown, PA area keeps creeping on my blog. i’ve seen them on my count tracker multiple times. whoever you are, know that i love you.

if the incredibly attractive people of tumblr i reblog pictures of all the time ever had children together, they’d produce the most beautiful little offspring. 

i support falling in love on tumblr.

But we went our separate ways and it hurt me. We’re friends again and I’m in love with someone else who won’t requite my feelings. Why on Earth would you decide that you still have feelings for me? Particularly now? I’m sorry, but I don’t want to do this with you. I honestly can’t.

there are very few streetlights

on the rural country road i live on.

we often inhabited the dark stretches

between synthetic soft yellow daylight.

our walks were often

and we had much to share

as we shared the road.

i fell in love on these adventures,

revelations hit me on these quests,

and happiness infected me in the latest and earliest hours.

and my favorite was the one…

you know, the one,

where we stopped under the last light,

and your fingers danced with mine

as my lips moved on and on,

i rambled, waiting for something.

you stopped me, mid-word

your dancing hands leaped to my waist and pulled me in

and i responded and pulled in

a vaguely trembling breath.

the corners of my mouth lifted,

and i found myself grinning like an idiot

beneath the love you breathed into me

with warm lips and soothing hands.

the streetlight could not do justice to the daybreak

crashing over my soul.

a golden tidal wave of warmth.

but your thumb, grazing my cheekbone,

was warmer.

you said i was beautiful

with more honesty than i’d ever heard,

through that first kiss and the hundreds that followed.

until the day i wandered these rural roads alone.

I ran my fingers up and down, so slowly, tracing the outlines of the beautiful ink beneath his skin. An arm covered in art, I always find something new as I explore it. Like the buttercup yellow Finch, rounded beak, smirking. It’s an adventure in and of itself. Lifting my gaze, I meet his eyes and the world begins to melt away. Soon, only he exists. Then his face begins to disintegrate; I am left with his eyes, deep eyes with a whispering enigma. Deeper, even, than the velvet black where a world had just existed. And with a blink, his soul is gone and the eyes become vacant.

Left with two windows, I crave the warmth that he had radiated and I start towards the glass panes to see past the reflection of a woman, naked and vulnerable. Outside there is hope. I see it in the sun and feel it on my skin, I want to bask in golden rays. I close my eyes, wishing.

And open them again to a pear tree in the distance. I am so thirsty, parched. I sprint. I leap. I take flight.  In hand, I feel the smooth skin of a succulent fruit and I nearly shudder at the thought of sweet flesh beneath brilliant yellow-green skin. My lips feel brittle and I sink my fangs into the pear. My smile grows and crumbles, but my tongue rejoices. Sink slowly into deep grass and the pear fills me. I think this is hope, reinforced when I look above: a familiar bird soars above with a bright tune whistling beneath its wings.